Why aren't you updating your blog??!!!

Err...Lazy?Yes, a little...but there're more concerns for me to somehow find it not the right time yet. Firstly, I don't enjoying using inappropriate English at all. Fyi, I was worried about my English proficiency that I felt not up to the standard (which means I can't keep to my current English proficiency level if I'm really going to the US) and I'm trying very hard to improve on my English now. I signed up for SAT next month even though I don't really need it. However, I take it as an opportunity to boost my English vocabularies. Anyway, I think this is a good start before I land my steps in any of the US universities, especially if I am going to Indiana University which is apparently one of my choices and requires all their new students to take an English Proficiency Test upon admission. For now, I'm mugging up my SAT book, jotting down new and useful English vocabularies and try to practically use them.

Well, it's true that you still don't see many new and sophisticated words being used in this post because I'm still not good in it if I'm writing (typing actually) just for the sake of writing naturally, and not improving on it at the same time instead. I'm not sure how, whether I'm on the right track or need some new methods, but I just hope that things will work out eventually. Perhaps one of my new resolutions for 2011...English ftw!!!

Secondly, I am not sure how well I am expressing myself. You might want to know that I had actually deliberately trying to type new blog posts several times and stopped half way or probably after a few sentences, not knowing how to continue or whether there is a point blogging about it. Sometimes, I feel that I used to do this type of expressing essays much better but was I using enough of words to sufficiently and entirely express my true feelings? I doubt that and I'm doubting myself now as well. Anyway, it was not long since I had found my real self again so maybe I should give myself more time.I was kinda losing myself in the indulgence of many new things in my first year and a half in college. Time heals and hopefully, unleash the real potential and personality of mine. Well, if any of you wonder why am I so concerned about using the right English and right way of expressing myself, I'm indeed a person who holds to my principles sometimes....or most of the time. Pal ,accept it.

Thirdly, I'm not sure if I want to announce the details in my life on a blog online. In fact, I have started to realize some disadvantages in using social networks like Facebook, a social monopolist obviously and stop letting my privacy being "exploited". Actually, maybe it isn't really about feeling insecure but rather, not willing to share my stories with everyone. There are some people in my life, some acquaintances perhaps, whom I wish to keep some of the my stories things from. It's not that I hate or dislike them;I just find it unnecessary for them to know so much. I guess I still wish to keep some of my privacies that I deserve.

Actually, I enjoy blogging, especially when I come up with my new theories about life and start telling my humanitarian or philosophical thoughts. I just wish to tell everything in the best way I can in this blogosphere. Name it The Art of Blogging. Blog about my unDefineD wOrds.....

It still haunts me?

I couldn't believe that it struck my heart and mind with strong anxiety at that moment. It was the moment I saw a familiar back of someone in a fast food restaurant. For that moment, I thought it was really her and I was contemplating what kind of face expression I should possess? One with a warming smile like one when I see an old friend? Or just pretend as though I didn't see her? Then, I thought maybe I should just stay cool and throw a smile when she looks at me. I was waiting anxiously for her turning over and oh...it wasn't her... So, what was my anxiety all about?Dang...

Waiting For The End (by Linkin Park)

This is not the end 
This is not the beginning, 
Just a voice like a riot 
Rocking every revision 
But you listen to the tone 
And the violent rhythm 
Though the words sound steady 
Something empty's within 'em 

We say Yeah! 
With fists flying up in the air 
Like we're holding onto something 
That's invisible there, 
'Cause we're living at the mercy of 
The pain and the fear 
Until we dead it, Forget it, 
Let it all disappear. 

Waiting for the end to come 
Wishing I had strength to stand 
This is not what I had planned 
It's out of my control.... 

Flying at the speed of light 
Thoughts were spinning in my head 
So many things were left unsaid 
It's hard to let you go... 

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on, 
I know how it feels to lie, 
All I wanna do 
Is trade this life for something new 
Holding on to what I haven't got 

Sitting in an empty room 
Trying to forget the past 
This was never meant to last, 
I wish it wasn't so... 

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on, 
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!

All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what i haven't got...

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
(Holding on to what i haven't got)

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear
(Holding on to what i haven't got!)

Wasted!

Deterioration in my life is what I can feel intensely for these couple of days; how I'm getting wasted and tremendously unproductive in my life as a scholar. It has been persisting for several months but with strong senses of ignorance and negligence, I did not even realize how serious the problem is and  how I should almost make an immediate total change in my life.


Improve or change? For now, I think switching back to my previous lifestyle (when I was in high school) sound like a more important plan than almost anything else. The opportunity costs might be sacrificing some pursuits of happiness but who cares?! That pursuit, to me, is sometimes of no worth having it when I pursue for something happy but irrelevant or have no true significance at all. Such happiness may not come with joy.


I have ignored many valuable and worthy things in life by spending time and efforts doing almost nothing good and have neglected my responsibility as a scholar, a son and a friend. As a student, I should realize how lucky am I to be awarded with a scholarship, the chance to study in an institution of such a good environment and the chance to continue pursuing my studies overseas. As a son, I should not forget how I left home to live in a place away from home and how my parents would wonder about how is my life when they can't see me and sometimes, worry about me. How can a son disappoint his parents?! In friendships, I should realize how foolish it is to try to create some chances and changes that help to make myself, perhaps seem more sociable.


# Hey boy, you failed! Almost everything for now! You're no longer yourself and you're wasted! Continue doing it and you'll rot and spoil your life and that's it!

Untitled again...

Not knowing what he's done but he's already done it...Not knowing what to say for didn't know what to say...nor knowing what to feel for had somehow created the awkwardness.... not knowing what to do, anticipating things to work their ways out and not let his own history repeats....All he knows is to learn his appreciation and sometimes, express his gratitude and concern...