Happy Birthday to myself..

Happy birthday,yoong shen...you don't have someone to accompany you...at least you have some friends who send you wishes :)

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Things have changed. I feel like losing my soul....or there's another hole in it. Something's missing...a hope, perhaps..Maybe that is why I'm feeling weird these recent mornings...I have fewer things to hope for in the beginning of each new morning...and now, I'm in the process of filling that emptiness..Hope I can do this, even by doing it myself...

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Reality has proven everything.....everything....

Home - COP15 United Nations Climate Change Conference Copenhagen 2009

Home - COP15 United Nations Climate Change Conference Copenhagen 2009

Looking forward to see some great changes for human nation....Hope I can do my part in Green Knights..

a tUrniNg pOinT?

All these while, we were living our own lives as if there is no real connection between us, yet we have been having conversations and text chats for almost two years. These indirect communications have led to a relationship that we call it complicated.

I used to say, if we had chances to meet, perhaps we are in a love relationship now. However, things weren't made that easy for us. It is a fact that until now, we haven't had any face-to-face conversation. It was already fortunate for us to get to see each other for several times. All these while, our complicated relationship was built with imagination, anticipation, passion yet with doubts and sometimes, frustration and disappointment. I'm not sure if you agree but that's what it seems to me.

I don't remember when I started to be so daring that I call you by some sweet nicknames as if you are my girlfriend but I just couldn't help with it. You didn't really disallow me to do that, though. However, when there was a time when you told me you're tired of our complicated relationship, I was upset for some reasons, I don't know why but after all, that was not the end as we continued to text each other and eventually, I was back to the mood of treating you the same way as before.

Our relationship was indeed a long journey that we have walked it out together although we did not do it as a pair of lovers. Along the way, we have experienced many things in our own lives. I had gone through two relationships, a bad one and a memorable one. From these two relationships, I learnt a lot about how's life being with a girl, how to choose, make decisions or make a girl do decision, and maybe about what a girl need, what it takes to maintain a relationship and how to be a good boyfriend. But I guess it might be an undeniable fact after all, I'm not really an ideal, good boyfriend. I did take every relationship equally important and did felt the pain each time a girl turned me into disappointment or doubt of their honesty to me. I did not get into those relationships just to learn something before trying to start a relationship with you. Somehow, they even caused me phobia of some things about girls. Would you considered me a guy who flirts around, a playboy? If you understand me, perhaps you won't? I admit that each time I'm in a relationship with someone else, I didn't tell you until the time when I feel upset about a break up. Yes, maybe I'm selfish but maybe it's because I never dismiss the possibility that we might get to be together some day.

Why didn't I just take our so-called complicated relationship as a friendship? I don't know why, do you? We have created our own way of communicating after quite some time, a way like silly argues and trying to make each other frustrated for simple funny reasons. Once in a while, I told you that I suddenly have a strong feeling towards you and you too, get emotional sometimes when you're confused about us. Before this, we were saying that this feeling might exist due to the curiosity to each other, especially because we both were from non-co-ed schools. A question that was unanswerable emerged, "After almost two years, are we still just in mere curiosity in each other that makes us feel like getting together?" I wonder.....

Could a friend's encouragement just make you feel that it's time to clarify our complicated relationship the right way? I was pleased that you were willing to have such a serious talk with me, asking if there's a possibility, a chance for us to be together. I thought we really get into the matter now. It was not easy for both of us to rationalize the whole matter as we both are teens and you never have a boy-girl relationship before. I'm sorry that sometimes, I tend to make my previous relationship as an example in planning to start a relationship with you. Then, I was upset when you told me that you prefer easy-come-and-go relationship, a relationship that just start and end whenever we(to me,it's you) want. It's just like my previous relationship that I don't want it to happen again. For now, I hope to have a serious relationship. It should start if and only if a serious consideration is made and if and only if it has to be ended, we should at least try to fix and save our relationship. That was why I made you do a decision again. When you told me to do this tough decision instead, I hope that you can change you perception about relationship and agree with a serious relationship.

I used to say, especially when I was 17 in high school, that I wished to have a relationship before 18. Now, I'll turn 18 after a month, yet you're still not my girlfriend. However, in another way to say it, I was glad that you were not in any of my previous relationships. For now, shall I have another new resolution or wish? I wish to have a serious and long (if possible, everlasting) relationship with a girl on my way to becoming an adult between 18 to 21 years old. Just like the before one, I do not know if it'll come true. All I can do is to hope, anticipate and take the 99 out of 100 steps to find my loved one, and hopefully it's you. Until the day I really get to date you and talk face-to-face to you, we'll never know what will happen, whether what we planned works. If we are able to break the curse of not getting to talk face-to-face to each other and able to spend as much time as possible together, and when it's time, we shall be together as a lovely couple, hopefully. I hope I can promise you, just like how I promised to accompany you the whole night with text messages to keep you awake to study. I truly hope that I really get to buy you Baskin Robbins ice-cream like I promised for a long time.

#p.s 1: No matter what will happen to us in the future, you'll always remain as a distinctive girl in my heart. Thank you for being virtually with me all these while.
#p.s 2: To some people, please bear with me, with what I'm doing. And if necessary, accept my apology and maybe selfishness.

InTeResTing FoR cOupleS...

The Lovers of the Heart

In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.

Article 1:

Statement of Love: The Kiss

1. Kiss on the hand

I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek
I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck
I want you
4. Kiss on the lips
I love you
5. Kiss on the ears
I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else
lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes
kiss me
8. Playing with your hair
I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist
I love you to much to let you go

Article 2:

The Three Steps
1. Girls:
If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him.
2. Guys
If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.
3. Guys & Girls
Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.

Article 3:
The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard.
2.Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one.
3.Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.

* Remember *
A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss
Without some tongue.
So open up your mouth
close your eyes,
and give your tongue
some exercise!!!

Here are a few reasons why guys like girls:
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13.The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says 'lets not fight anymore' even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you'

18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt.
(even though we don't admit it)!
23. The way they say 'I miss you'
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....

Yet regardless if you love them,

hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die without them ... it matters not.
Because
once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to the depths of their souls
and you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life
is inevitable consumed

within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart.
We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt.

cOmpLicAtiOn oF a reLAtionShip

Why are you another person who thinks relationship is an easy-come-and-go thing? I suddenly feel phobia about starting relationship in such a way.. Am I too weak? Why can't we do it seriously? I can't bear to do it that way again... I've been anticipating for almost 2 years... Can this theory of yours just end my anticipation and become a big stone between us?

eNd oF mY FiRst SeM...

I just finished my final exam and this marks the end of my first semester as a college student in INTI-UC, Nilai. It all happened within 4 months when I was away from my hometown, Ipoh. Because of efforts and courage, I ought to face and experience numerous new things in my life. I could still recall back the memory of my first day coming to INTI registering for enrolment. All I could see were new environment and new faces.

Today, this place is no longer new to me and has became my second home. New faces are no longer strangers to me but my friends. I must say that I truly enjoyed my life in INTI. Within these few months, I got to know many new friends. They were all of different backgrounds, originated from various parts of Malaysia, from North to South and West to East, but there are some things that they share in common; they all are my friends and they are nice people.

Most importantly, I had my true first love relationship during college life with an adorable girl. Even though it has become a past tense, but at least I have memories with me. No matter what, she's a person for me to remember. She was indeed special, a reason for me to make her someone in my life, as my girl in one of the month in my life. For this period of exactly one month has made such a chapter of my life, I shall remember it forever, regardless of how it came to an end. I learnt a lot from this relationship, perhaps how to become a better boyfriend. My wish of having a relationship before 18 came true.

New friends there are the ones whom I spent most of my time there with, especially my roommate, Yee Sing and some guys who treated me like their younger brother, Michael and Wee Boon. They were the ones who listened to my problems and gave me advices. They were the ones I can count on when I need somebody to concern about me or when I face dilemma. Without them, without friends, life is meaningless. Deep in my heart, I would like to express my greatest gratitude to them and tell them how much I treasure our friendships. Sometimes, I was just thinking too much to have doubted the sincerity of anyone amongst them. After all, they are my friends. I can't ask for too much. All men are imperfect and it requires tolerance among each other to preserve a friendship.

Sometimes, life there is not simple and easy though. In academic wise, there were subjects in this semester that I enjoyed but also subjects that I wasn't very good in such as Calculus. Besides the struggle to cope with my weakness, I had to face the stress of studying within a group of students who are mostly and were doing better than me. Sometimes, the stress solely came from my own will when I wanted to do better or at least do my best. Anyway, it is a positive stress but it was the physical headache that tortured my brain once in a while. However, there was a reality for me to understand that I must learn to be competitive in order to survive in life.

Today, I have the chance to call myself a college student, mainly because of my scholarship that I can say that I got by luck. Without my scholarship, costly college education seems pretty impossible to me. Now, almost everything in my college life is paid. I'm glad to be able to help lessening my parents' burden by securing a good education for myself. I think I start to know what is dream comes true, even though it was only a short while when I just know that I can have such a dream...a college life.

tOO muCh oF rEspEct?

I suddenly have a question in mind after witnessing myself on how I myself, had a conversation. It was perhaps one with politeness and respect. Is that the problem?i doubted. Sorry for not being rude and bad...because these can lead to a better communication sometimes...

StiLL trUe anD rEaL..

I couldn't believe it when I listen to the song again after quite some time; it was still the same feeling that make me feel like pouring it out from my heart...It was still true and real..

SomeTiMe....

I don't mean to do this but perhaps I have to or I should...Allow me to disappear for a better life for others...

ShaMe!!!

Gossip has been the most horrible thing happening among humankind that I would like to challenge! In this world, there's only girl or boy, woman or man, so why can't I be with whoever I wish to mix with?! People, why so narrow-minded?

UnCertAintY...

Never be certain about uncertainty....a wrong decision, a mistake, and an human-offensive behavior...(referring to nobody but including myself)

toMorrOw cAn bE tOO latE...

If you're mad with someone, and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it.

Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend. And if u don't, tomorrow can be too late .

If you're in love with somebody, but that person doesn't know....tell her/him.

Maybe today, that person is also in love with you.

And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late .

If you really want to kiss somebody... kiss her/him.

Maybe that person wants a kiss from you, too . And if you don't kiss her/him today, tomorrow can be too late .

If you still love a person that you think has forgotten you...tell her/him.

Maybe that person have always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today , tomorrow can be too late.

If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it.

Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.

If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them.

Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late.

If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it.

Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don't and they leave today , then tomorrow can be too late.

- Adapted from forwarded e-mail `

iN an aQuAariuM..

In an aquarium,Gold fish tells Water, " You'll never see my tears when I cry". Water say, "i can't see but I can feel it because you're in my hear".

-Adapted from somewhere -

iN LiFe...

In your life, you'll meet three important person. The first one is the one you like. The second one is the one who likes you. The third one is the one who will spend the rest of your life with you. The saddest thing is if all the three person are not the same person...

- Anonymous -

iT's a FaiLurE!

I admit when it's a failure and I take it seriously when I say it's a failure. I'll feel disappointed in myself and sometimes, I show it.

http://savynerd.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/1660111538_99e37f5d99_o2.jpg

It's cArvED...

At least once in a while or at least in these few days, I really can't get rid of these pieces of memory. Each time certain thing remind me of it....Perhaps only until the next comes....but before that, can I miss you?

nEvEr stOp tRying..

I never stop trying, hoping that one day, I'll be invited. Even not sharing secrets but at least I know how you're living.

DoEs iT haVE tO bE tHis wAy?

I'm not sure what else I can say. I try to ask myself why it has to be this way? When it was happening, it was so close. After it ends, it totally changed...Why it has to be such ending? Why it only worth when it's happening? What is the meaning for that? Why do I have to experience such feeling? Why and why....

b@ck tO bAttLEfieLD...

After returning home for the second term break, I'm back to Inti Life again. The first thing I did was unpacking all my stuff from my bag, especially yummy foods: cookies, fruits, instant noodles, canned food and so more..

Before that,i took out all the stuff that I'd hidden in my closet before leaving my room for term break. Once again, I placed my belongings nicely on my study table and this time, I brought with me an army cloth to be placed on the table...Then, I changed back the blue mattress sheet and pillowcase that look like those in the hospital, into cute looking ones with childish printings and bright colors...haha...

But I must face the reality that I'm back to the battlefield again..Tests, quizzes, assignments, club activities and final examinations are around the corner..It's time to get prepared with my armor and a rifle fully reloaded with bullets...Ready to shoot whatever that comes into my way...

thaNK YoU 4 EVerthinG...

To Her,

After reading Her blog post, I'm quite touched and have some thoughts in mind...Ya, exactly one month and it's the time for a decision, perhaps. Indeed, I'm glad too that I had her to spend my time with during those first few weeks of my college life. If this relationship was really like wind, it surely left some traces on the sand of the ground.

" Perhaps making your name as the password of my notebook did touched you, it didn't really make a difference right? Yes, everything happened peaceful enough. At first, I was thinking what is there really in your mind. Now, I think maybe it's just not the right feel for you,isn't it? Hope you'll find a great guy soon :)

But hey,why should you say you're a failure? I didn't make you feel like in a sweet first love relationship; it's my bad. I didn't spend enough time and effort.

1234567890-->130809-->Fake meteor rain-->0909090900-->130909 .

These are our memories...Love Street, the lane that we walked together before...Our shadows would continue walking without us...

Too bad,our relationship didn't last till Chinese's Mid-Autumn...Yes, we're back to our life again..but,I have a bad feeling. I'm not sure if it's because it's the lost of interest and curiosity or what, are you

avoiding me? I hope you're not. I hope we're not like couples who are no longer friends after their relationship ended. I hope we'll enjoy being each other's good friend. It'll be great if we can walk a Friendship Street together :) I'll wish for the best for you.....Signing off..Thank you for everything....

Sincerely from B

...........to YYBB

iN tHaT niGHT oR mOrning...

I still remember the strong feeling that night,considerably very early in the morning when it rained for a little while..the beginning of a story that came together with each of the rain drops....But now,very late of another night,considerably very early in the morning too..when I thought back of how I was feeling that night, I'm feeling sorrow in this another night which is tonight....How a short story just ended....I'm feeling so bad about it..

tHis sOng...

Now,this song ,like others, has my own memory in it, a story to tell...

cAme aNd wEnT.....

It has been a long time I've not updated my blog. Today, I must post something, questions to be asked, to no one perhaps myself. Another relationship, ended. Came and went like wind...Just another drop-by in my 18..Was that relationship really that easy come and go? Why should it start if I was feeling it all alone? A decision that perhaps I should make u do earlier......Finally, you've done it....Thank you...YY,YLBIMH

Home..

Finally,I'm back to my home in Ipoh...Glad to be back...Back to my original life for a few days, I must enjoy it...hehe..Anyway,i miss Inti life especially my friends and... Hope to see them soon^^

DeCided....

I'd done my decision finally..I didn't expect to do it so fast...But there was that night before a test when I need to get rid of the dilemma...But it was of serious consideration, not just instinct...

DeciSion oR aNticipaTion...

Last night was a pleasant night. At 12 midnight, I walked over to my friend's room, planning to study American Politic together. After all, I ended up not doing any reading but a long pillow talk with two of my friends there (as my two friends and I were having a pillow each =P ). We were chatting emotionally, with no wall of shyness or doubt, sharing our experiences on a topic open-mindedly.(sorry but I wish to remain our topic "undefinedly" a secret..hehe).We shared some good (romantic) or memories of our life as well. We were not simply talking nonsence but somehow, something with serious concern. It was this long chat that again, led me to back to a thought which was dominating my mind again..decision? or anticipation?..It's all about careful consideration as well, I suppose..

hesitation..

The time now is 3.11 in the morning and I'm still awake, typing my blog post while my roommate has already went to bed a few hours ago. After anticipating for the whole day, it finally rain in another morning of a new beginning. I found someone who loves the rain as much as I do. And that gives me the reason to a hesitation. Signifying nothing...

http://nickbaines.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/rain.jpg

GOOd Friend..

LaZy + bUsy = ProCrastinatioN..

This is the formula that just came into my mind to explain why I took such a long time to update

my blog again..Things are running as usual, probably a bit busy with classes, homeworks and

assignments..I'm doing fine with my Inti College Life here.

On weekdays, my friends and I would go for classes according to the schedule and then, go

for lunch together, keeping almost the same routine for every weekday. On weekends, we'll spend

most of our time in our respective rooms. Some would also go back to their hometown.

Ever since I moved to a room with a roommate in Inti, I spend most of the time in INTI with my

roommate, Yee Sing. He's really a nice guy. We had a lot of fun doing things together; eating,

chatting and doing homework sometimes. When I encounter problems, especially in my studies,

he'll be the one who showed his patience in guiding me. I'm really grateful to him.

Thank you, Yee Sing = ) .

Anyway, I do have some other good friends too. With different friends, I can have different topic

chat about and I really enjoy minggling around with all sorts of friends. There's a sense of enjoyment

satisfaction about it.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a9/mramysnyderjr/flowers-for-a-good-friend_large.gif