Update!

Hey yo, people!On this sunny second day of Chinese New Year celebration, I'm feeling the sudden urge that it's time to post something again and I suppose I ain't that lazy to type a quick one  =) Yea, I'm back in my simple yet lovely home in Ipoh again. This time, I'm back for the joy of a family reunion and it is indeed one of the celebrations that I've been longing for every year, the Chinese New Year in the Lunar calender. Sad to say that it'll probably be the last one before I leave my beloved homeland, Malaysia for an eye-opening journey of exploration, definitely more than just gaining new knowledge, in the other part of the world. It is a country in the West called the United States of America. Oh yeah, I just secured myself with the admission into one of the prestigious universities that I applied to, Purdue University. Of course, it'll only be possible to really continue my studies there if I'm able to keep up with my studies in my very last semester in INTI U. Anyway, I'm applying for two other universities, Indiana University and Ohio State University. In spite of Purdue's high ranking nationally and in the world, I still need time to decide on the right one for my academic endeavor later on.

     So, what's up in my recent life? Erm...talk about friends? I've been in the mood of fostering a pleasant relationship, perhaps a close friendship with a female friend. We were friends but not too close and lack of some real understandings of each other. This time, maybe not too much of flirt language but more friendly care as she seems to be feeling the aftermath of a broken relationship. I sincerely hope for her well-being in life and not too bothered by her past that encourages some devastating emotions. That's just mentally-unhealthful, not how life should be for a lovely girl like her. All I'm doing is trying to be a sensitive friend whom she can count on when she needs, hoping that time would heal the pains she mentioned. To her, let bygone be bygone.

     Talk about my college life now! I'm taking three subjects, which are Chemistry 1, General Psychology and Public Speaking. It should be rather manageable but I do need to spend some time for each of them. For Chemistry 1 class, my friends have been telling how friendly and nice is that lecturer, Miss Chong. I couldn't disagree with that as she's been showing her helpfulness and patience in the class. However, I just need to be more attentive and  focus in her lessons as it was two years ago when I last take a Science subject. All I want to complain is that I hope that irritating junior in my class should stop being so annoying and obnoxious by making all those unnecessary noises in the class. I seriously find them disrespectful, distasteful and distracting.


     Psychology is rather interesting. The way that huge lecturer, Mr Shankar teaches might be pretty dull sometimes, with her "Question?!" after every slide of Powerpoint notes and proceed with skimping through the slides. Anyway, he looks like a lecturer with a rather distinctive character (with his tatoo on the arm) and the way he confidently reasons with questions and doubts. He's another Atheist (I heard Mr Eddy, my previous World Religion lecturer is another one) and I started to wonder if all these philosophical lecturers prefer to believe it that way, to be more rational in discussing social questions the scientific and justified way.


     As for Public Speaking, it's another interesting class too. I was expecting Miss Karen, the lecturer to be a fabulous speaker. After all,I find my expectation to be overrated as she isn't really that impressive but the way she teaches is rather different. Being a mix-blooded lady of British and Malaysian Indian, she looks fair and "sweet" and her English is good and clear, except for her overly-used "Yea". I wonder if she noticed that >.< Her lessons are rather practical, obviously with all the speaking tutorials every week. I do find my indulgence in preparing for the tutorials, especially in improving each time for the next tutorial. It requires practices to speak well, really. All in all, the lessons for this semester are so-far-so-good. Surprisingly, I'm no longer that restless and easily dozes up during lessons anymore..Yeay!That's an achievement for me..hee..


Ok,people. Gotta go. Time to dress up myself for a big reunion dinner tonight. Happy Chinese New Year again. Have a great Rabbit year ahead!Till the next time...

Why aren't you updating your blog??!!!

Err...Lazy?Yes, a little...but there're more concerns for me to somehow find it not the right time yet. Firstly, I don't enjoying using inappropriate English at all. Fyi, I was worried about my English proficiency that I felt not up to the standard (which means I can't keep to my current English proficiency level if I'm really going to the US) and I'm trying very hard to improve on my English now. I signed up for SAT next month even though I don't really need it. However, I take it as an opportunity to boost my English vocabularies. Anyway, I think this is a good start before I land my steps in any of the US universities, especially if I am going to Indiana University which is apparently one of my choices and requires all their new students to take an English Proficiency Test upon admission. For now, I'm mugging up my SAT book, jotting down new and useful English vocabularies and try to practically use them.

Well, it's true that you still don't see many new and sophisticated words being used in this post because I'm still not good in it if I'm writing (typing actually) just for the sake of writing naturally, and not improving on it at the same time instead. I'm not sure how, whether I'm on the right track or need some new methods, but I just hope that things will work out eventually. Perhaps one of my new resolutions for 2011...English ftw!!!

Secondly, I am not sure how well I am expressing myself. You might want to know that I had actually deliberately trying to type new blog posts several times and stopped half way or probably after a few sentences, not knowing how to continue or whether there is a point blogging about it. Sometimes, I feel that I used to do this type of expressing essays much better but was I using enough of words to sufficiently and entirely express my true feelings? I doubt that and I'm doubting myself now as well. Anyway, it was not long since I had found my real self again so maybe I should give myself more time.I was kinda losing myself in the indulgence of many new things in my first year and a half in college. Time heals and hopefully, unleash the real potential and personality of mine. Well, if any of you wonder why am I so concerned about using the right English and right way of expressing myself, I'm indeed a person who holds to my principles sometimes....or most of the time. Pal ,accept it.

Thirdly, I'm not sure if I want to announce the details in my life on a blog online. In fact, I have started to realize some disadvantages in using social networks like Facebook, a social monopolist obviously and stop letting my privacy being "exploited". Actually, maybe it isn't really about feeling insecure but rather, not willing to share my stories with everyone. There are some people in my life, some acquaintances perhaps, whom I wish to keep some of the my stories things from. It's not that I hate or dislike them;I just find it unnecessary for them to know so much. I guess I still wish to keep some of my privacies that I deserve.

Actually, I enjoy blogging, especially when I come up with my new theories about life and start telling my humanitarian or philosophical thoughts. I just wish to tell everything in the best way I can in this blogosphere. Name it The Art of Blogging. Blog about my unDefineD wOrds.....

It still haunts me?

I couldn't believe that it struck my heart and mind with strong anxiety at that moment. It was the moment I saw a familiar back of someone in a fast food restaurant. For that moment, I thought it was really her and I was contemplating what kind of face expression I should possess? One with a warming smile like one when I see an old friend? Or just pretend as though I didn't see her? Then, I thought maybe I should just stay cool and throw a smile when she looks at me. I was waiting anxiously for her turning over and oh...it wasn't her... So, what was my anxiety all about?Dang...

Waiting For The End (by Linkin Park)

This is not the end 
This is not the beginning, 
Just a voice like a riot 
Rocking every revision 
But you listen to the tone 
And the violent rhythm 
Though the words sound steady 
Something empty's within 'em 

We say Yeah! 
With fists flying up in the air 
Like we're holding onto something 
That's invisible there, 
'Cause we're living at the mercy of 
The pain and the fear 
Until we dead it, Forget it, 
Let it all disappear. 

Waiting for the end to come 
Wishing I had strength to stand 
This is not what I had planned 
It's out of my control.... 

Flying at the speed of light 
Thoughts were spinning in my head 
So many things were left unsaid 
It's hard to let you go... 

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on, 
I know how it feels to lie, 
All I wanna do 
Is trade this life for something new 
Holding on to what I haven't got 

Sitting in an empty room 
Trying to forget the past 
This was never meant to last, 
I wish it wasn't so... 

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on, 
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!

All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what i haven't got...

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
(Holding on to what i haven't got)

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear
(Holding on to what i haven't got!)

Wasted!

Deterioration in my life is what I can feel intensely for these couple of days; how I'm getting wasted and tremendously unproductive in my life as a scholar. It has been persisting for several months but with strong senses of ignorance and negligence, I did not even realize how serious the problem is and  how I should almost make an immediate total change in my life.


Improve or change? For now, I think switching back to my previous lifestyle (when I was in high school) sound like a more important plan than almost anything else. The opportunity costs might be sacrificing some pursuits of happiness but who cares?! That pursuit, to me, is sometimes of no worth having it when I pursue for something happy but irrelevant or have no true significance at all. Such happiness may not come with joy.


I have ignored many valuable and worthy things in life by spending time and efforts doing almost nothing good and have neglected my responsibility as a scholar, a son and a friend. As a student, I should realize how lucky am I to be awarded with a scholarship, the chance to study in an institution of such a good environment and the chance to continue pursuing my studies overseas. As a son, I should not forget how I left home to live in a place away from home and how my parents would wonder about how is my life when they can't see me and sometimes, worry about me. How can a son disappoint his parents?! In friendships, I should realize how foolish it is to try to create some chances and changes that help to make myself, perhaps seem more sociable.


# Hey boy, you failed! Almost everything for now! You're no longer yourself and you're wasted! Continue doing it and you'll rot and spoil your life and that's it!