Happy Birthday to myself..

Happy birthday,yoong shen...you don't have someone to accompany you...at least you have some friends who send you wishes :)

Untitled 2

Things have changed. I feel like losing my soul....or there's another hole in it. Something's missing...a hope, perhaps..Maybe that is why I'm feeling weird these recent mornings...I have fewer things to hope for in the beginning of each new morning...and now, I'm in the process of filling that emptiness..Hope I can do this, even by doing it myself...

Untitled

Reality has proven everything.....everything....

Home - COP15 United Nations Climate Change Conference Copenhagen 2009

Home - COP15 United Nations Climate Change Conference Copenhagen 2009

Looking forward to see some great changes for human nation....Hope I can do my part in Green Knights..

a tUrniNg pOinT?

All these while, we were living our own lives as if there is no real connection between us, yet we have been having conversations and text chats for almost two years. These indirect communications have led to a relationship that we call it complicated.

I used to say, if we had chances to meet, perhaps we are in a love relationship now. However, things weren't made that easy for us. It is a fact that until now, we haven't had any face-to-face conversation. It was already fortunate for us to get to see each other for several times. All these while, our complicated relationship was built with imagination, anticipation, passion yet with doubts and sometimes, frustration and disappointment. I'm not sure if you agree but that's what it seems to me.

I don't remember when I started to be so daring that I call you by some sweet nicknames as if you are my girlfriend but I just couldn't help with it. You didn't really disallow me to do that, though. However, when there was a time when you told me you're tired of our complicated relationship, I was upset for some reasons, I don't know why but after all, that was not the end as we continued to text each other and eventually, I was back to the mood of treating you the same way as before.

Our relationship was indeed a long journey that we have walked it out together although we did not do it as a pair of lovers. Along the way, we have experienced many things in our own lives. I had gone through two relationships, a bad one and a memorable one. From these two relationships, I learnt a lot about how's life being with a girl, how to choose, make decisions or make a girl do decision, and maybe about what a girl need, what it takes to maintain a relationship and how to be a good boyfriend. But I guess it might be an undeniable fact after all, I'm not really an ideal, good boyfriend. I did take every relationship equally important and did felt the pain each time a girl turned me into disappointment or doubt of their honesty to me. I did not get into those relationships just to learn something before trying to start a relationship with you. Somehow, they even caused me phobia of some things about girls. Would you considered me a guy who flirts around, a playboy? If you understand me, perhaps you won't? I admit that each time I'm in a relationship with someone else, I didn't tell you until the time when I feel upset about a break up. Yes, maybe I'm selfish but maybe it's because I never dismiss the possibility that we might get to be together some day.

Why didn't I just take our so-called complicated relationship as a friendship? I don't know why, do you? We have created our own way of communicating after quite some time, a way like silly argues and trying to make each other frustrated for simple funny reasons. Once in a while, I told you that I suddenly have a strong feeling towards you and you too, get emotional sometimes when you're confused about us. Before this, we were saying that this feeling might exist due to the curiosity to each other, especially because we both were from non-co-ed schools. A question that was unanswerable emerged, "After almost two years, are we still just in mere curiosity in each other that makes us feel like getting together?" I wonder.....

Could a friend's encouragement just make you feel that it's time to clarify our complicated relationship the right way? I was pleased that you were willing to have such a serious talk with me, asking if there's a possibility, a chance for us to be together. I thought we really get into the matter now. It was not easy for both of us to rationalize the whole matter as we both are teens and you never have a boy-girl relationship before. I'm sorry that sometimes, I tend to make my previous relationship as an example in planning to start a relationship with you. Then, I was upset when you told me that you prefer easy-come-and-go relationship, a relationship that just start and end whenever we(to me,it's you) want. It's just like my previous relationship that I don't want it to happen again. For now, I hope to have a serious relationship. It should start if and only if a serious consideration is made and if and only if it has to be ended, we should at least try to fix and save our relationship. That was why I made you do a decision again. When you told me to do this tough decision instead, I hope that you can change you perception about relationship and agree with a serious relationship.

I used to say, especially when I was 17 in high school, that I wished to have a relationship before 18. Now, I'll turn 18 after a month, yet you're still not my girlfriend. However, in another way to say it, I was glad that you were not in any of my previous relationships. For now, shall I have another new resolution or wish? I wish to have a serious and long (if possible, everlasting) relationship with a girl on my way to becoming an adult between 18 to 21 years old. Just like the before one, I do not know if it'll come true. All I can do is to hope, anticipate and take the 99 out of 100 steps to find my loved one, and hopefully it's you. Until the day I really get to date you and talk face-to-face to you, we'll never know what will happen, whether what we planned works. If we are able to break the curse of not getting to talk face-to-face to each other and able to spend as much time as possible together, and when it's time, we shall be together as a lovely couple, hopefully. I hope I can promise you, just like how I promised to accompany you the whole night with text messages to keep you awake to study. I truly hope that I really get to buy you Baskin Robbins ice-cream like I promised for a long time.

#p.s 1: No matter what will happen to us in the future, you'll always remain as a distinctive girl in my heart. Thank you for being virtually with me all these while.
#p.s 2: To some people, please bear with me, with what I'm doing. And if necessary, accept my apology and maybe selfishness.